The worst nurse in the world.

My wife had some minor surgery today, and it is her fate to be married to a guy that is completely lacking in the whole “nurture” gene. I mean… I can barely take care of myself, and a neon tetra in a bowl at my office – thankfully one is a cold blooded animal requiring very little care, and the other is a fish.

Somehow I managed to not kill my kids when they were babies (but let me tell you, there were a few close calls when I was left alone with them!) I am just not really cut out to care for anything… sorry. At least not anything actually alive. I’m fine with inanimate objects. A car, a computer, a network, my right leg… all will do fine under my not so watchful eye. But a human being, and especially my wife? She’s doomed.

Thankfully, she’s pretty self-sufficient and is not so bad off. She is on pain meds, and has tasked me with monitoring her medicine intake. Now THAT is something I can do… read the labels, enter the intervals into my Treo, set the alarms, etc. The key will be whether the Treo alarms will actually wake me up in the middle of the night. I sleep through everything but earthquakes greater than 5.4 on the Richter scale. For some inexplicable reason, I’ll snooze through a 5.3 and under, but once the wave or shake hits 5.4 I am bolt-upright and ready for action. Go figure. We’ll see. Hopefully she’s back to her high-functioning self again soon.

If she were to ever become incapacitated in a major way, we’d have to make polygamy legal so I could pick up a spare wife to take care of her (because I’m too cheap to actually pay somebody to be a caretaker!)


5 thoughts on “The worst nurse in the world.”

  1. hope your wife makes a rapid recovery Chuck… despite your care and attention with the Treo… 🙂

    Jerome – survived looking after 4 kids many times… just

  2. Just script out iTunes to play the French National anthem REALLY LOUD.

    That crap will wake you up real fast, as nothing is scarier than the thought of France visiting your house all at once.

  3. Good luck, Chuck, my wife gave up on my abilities to do anything similar long ago. She gets nervous even leaving her dogs with me for more than an hour or so.

  4. I’m OK with the French, so long as they bring Brie, Bordeaux, and Catherine Deneuve!

    As for Sue, she seems to be recovering well, despite my efforts to the contrary! 😉

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