Miami, day one.

Chris & I left Las Vegas’ airport on our connecting flight for Miami at some ungodly hour… did I mention it was raining in Las Vegas? Pouring actually. Our luggage was obviously out in the rain for a portion of that time as well, as we later discovered. =\

The flight was long… I slept though most of it. I think Chris didn’t sleep much. I woke up somewhere over the Everglades, and turned to my right to snap the picture above. Christopher looking grumpy and tired. They call it a “red-eye” flight but Chris had a workaround for that. 8)

The plane took a long lazy circle around Miami, and approached from the east, which gave me a chance to gaze out at lonely sailboats, and shipping traffic heading towards the Caribbean. My grandfather was a sailor, and I’ve always had a yearning to hop on a freighter and vanish out to sea… an impulse I will likely never act on. But my memories of his stories are brought to the forefront of my mind whenever I see any sort of craft alone in a vast body of water.

Eventually the marine traffic under the plane became quite dense, and sure enough, we made landfall:

Over Miami beach, then downtown Miami, then landing at the airport. We had a lot to do after that. First of all, navigate to the baggage claim. Miami airport, like so many US airports is undergoing significant construction in an effort to reconfigure itself completely to accommodate the massive growth of “airport security” after 2001. Mind you, there will never, ever be another successful hijacking of any commercial airliner, ever again. Anyone who stands up and announces that they are doing so will be instantly ripped to shreds by the bare hands of every other passenger on the plane. History has shown me to be correct… every attempt since the second aircraft hit the World Trade Center has had that result. But, like all military forces end up preparing to fight the last war, we’re spending vast sums of money preventing something that will never happen again. Ever. The near-term result is a confusing maze of temporary walls and inadequate signage. Thankfully I have an inate sense of direction, and despite the fact that we were one of the last to leave the aircraft (Row 27 of a 757), we were the first to arrive at baggage claim… by a fair margin. Let me tell you though… it was a bit of navigation that would befit a vintage rallymaster. In another twist of bad airport design there were maybe 6 chairs in the entire baggage claim area. Being the first there we staked ours out for a long wait.

I was about to leave Chris and go find a place to get him some Chilean currency and a phone card that would work for calling home from South America, when by some bizarre stroke of luck, his bag appeared on the conveyor… the first one off the plane! As I said earlier though, it was wet. I had given him my amazing Speaker Swag Bag from Macworld Expo, which hopefully was water resistant enough to keep his stuff inside dry. I left him to find my box, and went off to find currency. It was early in the morning, so the airport was sort of dead… and ALL the currency exchange locations in the terminal we were in were closed. Grr. One did have a sign that said, “go to terminal E” or something like that. So I wandered my way over there, to find one currency exchange place “open” but with nobody staffing it! I checked the directory and it listed two such places in this terminal, so I found the other, which was closed but with a sign directing me back to the one I just left. Sigh. Upon close observation the only open currency exchange location did have a doorbell under one of the windows, so I pressed it and … eventually … a woman came out from behind a James Bond like secret door at the back of the glass cage. When I said I needed Chilean currency she just sighed, and went back behind the door! Eventually (I figure the heat makes everyone move so slow down there) a man came out and changed my Benjamin Franklin into a pile of colorful Chilean Pesos:

Wow, that’s forty-two-thousand!

Yes, I’m sure I got ripped off somehow, as all airport based exchanges are a losing proposition, but expediency was more important here. Something they count on. My OS X Calculator.app says I should have gotten 52,724 pesos for my $100. Oh well. The other downside was I could find no phone cards that would work in Chile.

Loaded with almost fifty grand in cash, I wandered back to Christopher, who was guarding my very soggy server box, and his luggage and both our carry-ons. Next up was picking up our rental car. Outside to the shuttle bus, as the rental counter was closed. Stepping outside, both of us wilted instantly in the heat. Here it was February, and it was hotter than our hottest summer day in the Pacific Northwest. Worse yet, the humidity was crushing. Even in the “wet” Pacific Northwest, the humidity ranges stay pretty moderate. But here it was, before 8am and already the temp and humidity were unbearable. We waited for an Alamo rent-a-car shuttle to come… seemingly for 45 minutes… while several busses for every OTHER rental car company went by multiple times. True to form, when an Alamo bus DID come, two of them arrived simultaneously. Go figure. I had reserved a car online prior to our departure, and requested a convertible. I figured since I was going to be doing a lot of driving in two days, I should at least get something fun. My paperwork said “Ford Mustang or equivalent.” The way Alamo works, at least at this location, is that you confirm your paperwork on a self-service kiosk, and then just walk out and pick a car. Cool. We wander out to the convertibles to find this array:

Chrysler Sebring, PT Cruiser, PT Cruiser, PT Cruiser, PT Cruiser, VW New Beetle, PT Cruiser, PT Cruiser, PT Cruiser.

Chris & I looked at each other, and both said “The Bug!”

Simple choice really. The only doubt was the ability to carry our luggage. So we shoved Chris’ big bag into the boot, my big server box into the backseat (it BARELY fit!), and our carry-ons on the floor, and presto! It all fit. The Bug was ours! I fiddled with the roof, but could not get it to retract, but Chris said it was too hot anyway, so we just blasted the AC and found our hotel.

I had told them to expect us early and to PLEASE have our room ready, as we’d likely go straight to sleep. Thankfully they did as I asked and we fell straight to bed. I don’t even recall lying down… and likely was asleep before I was fully horizontal. I think Chris was the same. Still on Pacific time, we were both still in the wee hours of the morning.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Around noon, I woke up, called Sue, let her know we made it. Showered, etc. Woke Chris up and we went to find some food. We wandered south from our location, into a swanky area called Coral Gables, looking for a place where we could sit down and be served. We saw plenty of places, but just nowhere to PARK! We eventually gave up and wandered back north towards the hotel and found an IHOP. Not exactly my first choice, but it worked. The service was actually good, and Chris & I sat and had a nice long chat. I managed to get all the info I wanted transmitted into his teenage brain in preparation for his first long stay away from home over the past 24 hours, so I was pretty happy. After lunch we wandered back to the hotel and just vegged out for a while… watching movies on my laptop. We made our way through DVD1 of South Park’s 2nd season when the phone rang. It was the AFS people, calling Chris for the start of his orientation. He wandered off to check in, and came back abruptly to say that they wanted him to move to a different room and see me off. He was obviously upset, as he wasn’t mentally prepared to say good-bye to me at that very moment. I told him it was OK, and gave him a hug. I suspected this would happen, and told him to focus on the orientation, and have a great six months. He would be with his host family within a few days and all would be well. At that, we parted.

I don’t recall much from the rest of that evening… a few phone calls, some work emails… but in reality I was in a sort of haze. Chris was off on his own for the first time ever. I know that Sue & I have prepared him well for this, but the separation event itself is always something of a shock. I went to sleep early. Sleep for me is a coping mechanism for all sorts of ills.

On our way!

By the skin of our teeth, we got all the red tape sorted and Chris & I are on our way to Miami… him to attend an AFS orientation – then fly off to Santiago, and me to see him off – and install a new DNS server in an east coast datacenter. At the moment we are at a layover in Las Vegas, before catching an overnight flight to Miami.

We arrived at Sea-Tac with time to spare, and killed 90 minutes sitting in the newly finished big area between concourse B & C, with the impressively engineered compound-curved glass wall constructed of tensile steel cables. It afforded a nice view of the winter sunset to the southwest. It is a shame I can rarely get Christopher to smile when I point a camera at him, because he seemed genuinely happy to be on his way. We watched a movie together on my laptop between Seattle and Las Vegas. Unfortunately we don’t have seats together for the next segment, so we’re waiting for a gate agent to show up so we can (hopefully) change our seats.

Meanwhile, Chris carbo-loaded with a Cin-a-bon:

I’m just happy to have electricity (for my laptop) and free wireless access. To each his own I guess. 😉

The flight is delayed by 30 minutes…. ugh. The upside is that means our baggage transfer from Alaska to American Airlines is more likely to succeed.

One odd note: we taxied for what seemed like 20 minutes after landing here.

Another odd note: I keep hearing this irregularly timed, but barely audible chiming noise. It drives me nuts… I think it is some alarm noise from my cell phone, or maybe my laptop… perhaps the lady sitting over there futzing with her cell phone? Eventually I figure out it is coming from the damn slot machines about 100 meters away from me in the terminal! Grrr.

Last time I was in Las Vegas’s airport was in the fall of 1999… the height of the economic boom days. I was on my way from Seattle to NYC for the start of the Cannonball Classic and also changing planes in the middle of the night, hopping on a red-eye to the east coast. What a stark difference almost a decade makes. Back then the airport was literally jam-packed with people, feeding the slots and bustling about. It was deafening, and the airport and every flight was packed to the rafters. Not so at the moment… this place is like a tomb. I could probably count the people in the terminal with just my fingers and toes.

My next update should be from Miami.

Update: We have a row to ourselves for the next segment. We’ll finish our movie, and try and get some sleep.

What Brown can’t do for you.. an update.

Apparently, they can’t deliver on a Saturday…


Take a good look at the two images above. At the top you see an envelope that plainly says “Saturday Delivery.” Below that you see a tracking history that shows it being delivered on a MONDAY, which by my calculations, is two days later.

Also note the tracking history. This package on Saturday was within FOUR MILES of my house… but instead of getting delivered, it went to Everett on Saturday. Everett is THIRTY MILES SOUTH of here. Then, on Saturday night, when I called UPS’ Customer Service, they assured me that nobody was working and my envelope was sitting in a locked truck in Arlington, it in fact took a trip BACK TO SEATTLE a further SIXTY MILES AWAY.

On Sunday, when I called UPS again, pleading for some resolution, the useless “customer service” people lied to me again, saying that nothing could be done, nobody was working, etc… but look, it was scanned twice on Sunday. Go figure.

So UPS drove this damn envelope a full 120+ mile round trip over the weekend, to From Seattle, to Arlington, back to Seattle, then Seattle up to Arlington AGAIN, and finally delivered it to me. They claim it was at 9:41, but my clock said 10:15… I guess UPS lives in some sort of alternate reality.

Their utter incompetence has cost me not only stress, but two days that I could have used to perform some further daunting tasks.

Anyway, I’ve missed work this morning, primarily to deal with this…

A pile of paperwork… all in Spanish, a language I don’t speak… and my Spanish-speaking son is at school. So I’m sitting here with an English/Spanish Dictionary and Google’s language tools, filling out forms, making copies and scans with Sue’s office equipment and faxing bits here and there around the globe.

We have a bunch of errands to run today… a Dr. appointment for Chris, we need to buy him new shoes, he needs to finish packing, then dinner… then tomorrow, he leaves. Provided of course the world’s bureaucracies all provide their stamps of approval. Ugh.

Thankfully the MOST important stamp of approval is here:

As soon as I can get some time, I’m going to write a letter to a few executives at UPS, namely my peer VP in Operations, Jim Winestock, their COO David Abney, and their CEO Mike Eskew. Perhaps I can get a raft of people fired. I’ll make sure to share with all of you.

“What can brown do for you?” Apparently little.

As many of you know, my son Christopher is leaving for a semester abroad in Chile, literally within hours. As you can imagine, things around here are a bit… stressed. His mother was just in here literally crying on my shoulder… at the thought of her son being gone for the next six months.

My emotions, well let’s just say I’m too distracted to really be emotional about Christopher. Why? Because I am really angry at the shipper UPS right now to be worried about my son. In fact, until UPS finds their ass with either hand Christopher won’t be going anywhere.

Let me start at the beginning. For some reason we did not receive notification of WHERE Chris was going until very late. Right before Christmas in fact. Usually exchange students are notified several months in advance… maybe Chris was slow to get picked because he’s a boy (I noted in the orientation that the female/male ratio of exchange students was literally 20/1!) Who knows.

The process for getting a Student Visa usually takes a few months. In our case we had weeks, and those weeks started with the Holidays, so we were already behind. The hoops we had to jump through were numerous; A new US passport, criminal background checks from the State Police and FBI, immunizations, blood tests for various diseases such as HIV, letters from Chile, letters from AFS in NYC, fingerprints, etc. All these bureaucracies had to get their paperwork in order (and take their fee) BEFORE we could submit his passport to the Chilean Consulate for a visa.

I tried, when I was down in San Francisco in early January to sweet-talk the Chilean Consulate out of a visa, with incomplete paperwork, with zero luck. My previous experience with obtaining visas (when we moved to the UK) was much simpler, though almost as stressful, and BEING THERE counted for more than paperwork back then. I left SF empty-handed, but with a clearer picture of what we had to get done.

As of two weeks ago, we still had not received ALL our paperwork, but all we were missing (I think) was the FBI CHC. Sue went to the UPS store in Colorado where we were visiting my parents and overnight-shipped everything that we had to the Chilean Consulate in San Francisco, with a pre-paid envelope addressed to our house for return. I spent all last week calling and emailing the consulate to help push the process through. FINALLY on Thursday I was able to speak to the lady there (who sent me away in January) and convinced her that time was running out and we needed to get things wrapped up ASAP. She agreed and with some calling and faxing back and forth we got the visa arranged, approved, and returned in record time. There was still some paperwork we had to fill out when it arrived and get back to her prior to his departure so it was up to UPS to deliver. I specifically asked her, and confirmed that we had checked off the package for Saturday delivery. I knew we were cutting it close, but with the wonders of overnight shipping, I was confident it was well in hand.

I watched in satisfaction as the package tracking website followed it towards us…. but then…



¡Whisky Tango Foxtrot?!

What do they mean “remote area”?? I see the UPS trucks here in Arlington Heights all the time. Other than the fact that they deliver packages to our house destined for a family one block to the east all the time, they’ve never had any trouble finding OUR HOUSE. Even on Saturdays!

At 9:00 AM PST I made my first call to 1-800-PICK-UPS to try and resolve the situation.

Try calling that number (1-800-742-5877) and see what happens. They have one of those ULTRA annoying automated attendants that tries to do everything in its power to stop you from talking to an actual human being. Go ahead and call and say my tracking number: J192 1504 928 It will tell you there isn’t a damn thing new about it and they can’t deliver it. Sorry.

I keep hitting “0” until the automated attendant gives up and transfers me to a human. At first it seems like we’re going to make some progress. I explain to the human that this package contains a passport, for a family member who will be travelling internationally very soon and that we specifically requested, and paid for ($23.32) Saturday delivery. They tell me that they will call the package center and that they will message the driver, and finally, that a Supervisor will call me back within an hour. They get all my contact details, and I hang up, happy.

One hour and fifteen minutes go by.

I call again. This time, the automated annoyer won’t let me get past “her” and basically says “There is no new information about your shipment, please call back later” and hangs up on me!! Grrr.

I call back, press “0” enough times to get to a human. The human apologizes that I haven’t received my promised call, and informs me that he will follow through and see that I get a call, within an hour. Like an idiot, I take his word and hang up.

Another hour+ goes by.

I call again. Once again, I enter the fray with the Automated Annoyer. She speaks to me in a condescending tone, but I finally manage to get past her and to an actual human. Well, I suspect they are actual humans, I really can’t know. The hum of the call center is in the background and this human tells me that at the moment, there is nothing that she can do to help… I’ll just have to wait for the Package Center Supervisor to call me back, as promised. I explain to her the critical nature of this delivery, and she assures me that somebody WILL call me back. I just need to be patient.

Well, I’m nothing, if not patient, so I hang up the phone and stare at it for the next 120+ minutes while it sits there … and does nothing. No ring. No call. More promises broken. It is now afternoon, and my patience is wearing thin. I call once again. My entanglement with the super-sticky automated attendant finally passed, I end up with a human being. I relate the whole story once again. I offer to drive anywhere they need me to go, Arlington, Everett, even Seattle, so I can get this package into my hands. Nada, nothing. All I get is an excuse that this truck was not reachable and that the delivery would be rescheduled for Monday. I explained to them the nature of the situation, and how that would be unacceptable. I paid for Saturday Delivery, the lady at the Consulate specified Saturday Delivery, and here it was Saturday, and where was my delivery? Then the human being, whose title I can only assume has the words ‘Customer Service’ somewhere in it said something that finally made me, the one of the world’s most calm and patient people, go completely bonkers:

“Can you call the Consulate?”

I paused for a second to consider the completely illogical statement that I just heard.

(pardon the all caps, but in this case it is really required…)

“WHY SHOULD I NEED TO CALL THE CONSULATE? THEY DON’T HAVE THIS PACKAGE. I DON’T HAVE THE PACKAGE. YOU HAVE THIS PACKAGE!! I AM TALKING TO YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE PACKAGE THAT I PAID TO HAVE DELIVERED TODAY! YOU NEED TO FIND THE PACKAGE AND DELIVER IT TO ME. OR TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO TO COME GET THE PACKAGE. THIS IS NOT THAT DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND.”

The moron kept blubbering excuses and apologies while I frankly… lost it.

“I RUN A 24/7 OPERATION, I KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO GET STUFF DONE, EVEN ON A WEEKEND. IF I RECEIVED A CALL FROM A CUSTOMER, COMPLAINING OF A FAILURE OF MY STAFF, I WOULD BE DOING WHAT I COULD TO FIX THE PROBLEM… NOT TELL THEM EXCUSES… SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO FIX THIS??

My family, who has never seen me act like this, all ran to the basement and cowered in fear.

“WHY WOULD I EVER TRUST UPS WITH MY BUSINESS, EVER AGAIN?? WHY CAN’T YOU CALL SOME MANAGER AND GET THIS PROBLEM SOLVED RIGHT NOW? WHY HASN’T ANYONE THERE CALLED ME BACK, DESPITE REPEATED PROMISES TO DO SO? WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT??”

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Finally, I asked to speak with a supervisor. She asked me if I would hold on, I said “gladly.”

….Several minutes of hold music later…

The same human being comes back on the line and says “There isn’t a supervisor available right now, but let me get your details and I’ll have one call you right back.”

I reminded her that I’ve heard that same promise many times so far this day and nobody has yet to call me back.

She PROMISES. So I give both my home number, AND my cell phone, saying that if I’m not at one, I’ll be at the other.

Boy, was that stupid. I can picture it now, all the UPS “customer torture service” people all snickering behind the castle wall, as they prepared to launch a cow off their catapult at me.

Meanwhile, the entire Goolsbee family climbed into Sue’s car and went to Everett on an errand. Silly me expected to hear from a UPS representative and maybe we’d be able to swing by Arlington, or maybe Everett and pick up our package. I figured that these people would actually live up to their promises. Do what they said they would do. Perform the task I had paid them to do. Make good their errors, fix their mistakes, heal the wound they had inflicted. Obviously, I was delusional.

No call ever came. We returned home, and no call had come there either. I made one last try while the calendar still said “Saturday.”

This last call was pretty much a repeat of the previous one, except that I didn’t yell (as much) until the stupid thing that this ‘Customer Service’ person said: “It is too late now. If you had called earlier…”

“I DID CALL EARLIER… I’VE BEEN CALLING SINCE 9 AM! I’VE BEEN PROMISED CALL BACKS SINCE…. Etc, etc, etc.”

I did manage to get this guy’s name though: Nathan Magilow. I asked Nathan to transfer me to a supervisor, and he basically refused. He said there was nothing anyone could do. All the facilities were closed. The package was still inside a truck at the Arlington UPS facility, but that nobody was there and it would just have to wait until Monday morning. I explained to him the issues that caused me, with the possibility of having to re-book international flights, etc, and it was obvious that it just. didn’t. matter. At least not to him.

It was obvious to me that nobody at UPS really gave a damn. They honestly could care less about doing their job. Serving their customers. No matter how critical the contents of their shipment may be. It seems to me that some driver didn’t want to drive the 4 miles it would have been to deliver that package to our house. Instead he chose to quit work early that day or something similar, and just put it off until Monday. Here you can see, via the wonders of modern technology, the route that this package flew, from San Francisco, to Ontario, CA, to Seattle, WA, to literally within 5 miles of my house… only to fail:



It travelled over 1385 miles in less than 15 hours… OVERNIGHT, but will take SEVERAL DAYS to make it those last few miles. I could walk that distance many times over in those days. Sad really.

Update:
I called UPS this morning, in the vain hope that somebody with a clue would be able to make something happen, or at least would direct me to some executive I could write to and get a whole pack of people fired. As you can imagine, based on my prior experience… I got nowhere.

sigh.

Update:
The envelope arrived Monday morning, and I missed work to spend the day filling out forms and sending faxes to various places around the globe… something I had planned to have done a day and half ago… hopefully the red tape will untangle before he leaves tomorrow! Click the link above to read more info.